Anxiety on Wheels

I made it to the fueling station!

Oh man, I’ve been wanting to make it down to the fueling station for a few weeks now; I need Diesel and DEF to keep my van running! It’s down by the interstate, there’s many stoplights and traffic.

Lo went with me! It felt very empowering to face my fear head on and overcome this challenge. I’m gaining my freedom back a little bit each time.

Not content with just getting fuel, I went inside to see if they had any Diesel Exhaust Fluid, they did not. We headed over to the fueling station across the street which had semi facilities, I topped off my DEF!

We pulled up behind the other semis at the rest stop and may have shared some intimacy for the first time in the van, it felt exhilarating.

I drove back to the tobacco store and turned around and went right back, choosing to sit at red lights and we swung through Burger King to celebrate with a shake!

Now the task will be for me to go alone in various traffic conditions and continue to expand my circle until all components of my fear are conquered. Red lights, traffic, road noise, stop signs, and being away from my “safe zone”.

My tasks for the coming months will be to go to storage so I can clean it out, have dinner with Lo’s parents, and finally drive across Indy to spend an evening with my other partner.

I think that some of my challenge is learning how to drive again and pay attention. I feel as if over-reliance on self driving technology in the Prius has made me a worse driver and some of it is getting back up to speed with just how much focus driving calls for.

On a spiritual note, I took my Red Jasper with me and kept it in hand as I drove, it’s not the first time. The mineral is known for offering a sense of stability, comforting support.

Find a seated position on the ground, holding the red jasper in your hand. As you breathe in and out, visualize your root chakra becoming one with the earth. Allow yourself to feel stronger and more balanced in your foundation.

I feel as if the CBD takes an edge off, it’ll be interesting to continue to experiment and see how it works over time.

I’m really proud of myself right now!

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