I invited mom over today, Kasey went to pick her up. Mom has been sick with Kidney issues, has been through some rounds of antibiotics.
She had been on no sleep and started crying her eyes out when she got here, I held her for a while. But then she started to get on this weird kick of.. well I can’t explain it. She wasn’t making much sense and was repeating herself and quite confused.
I laid her down in my bed and she slept for a few hours, she seemed better by the time she woke. I made her creamy chicken noodle soup and ensured she had water. But things went off the side of a mountain. She kept getting stuck again and not making sense.
This went on until I got concerned enough to call an ambulance. They showed up, as did the police. Something was very wrong. I called Mike over and let my sisters know that something was wrong.
At first I thought it was anxiety related, feeling a little unreal, which I get. But no. By the time Mike got here, Kasey and I were in tears, or close to. Kasey had to leave the room as she was starting to feel crazy herself. She kept repeating that she’s never felt so unreal, then wildly vacillating between that was a lie, she’s never felt better in her life, and kept asking us to ask her questions. It went on for another three hours, she’d get agitated from time to time.
I called the police again as there was no way for us to get her in the car, she didn’t know where she was or how she got here. The police eventually had to handcuff her and take her to the hospital, not that she got violent, but we had no other choice. It was that bad and getting worse. It had been going on in various ways from 10am to 7pm, not counting when she was asleep.
She seemed normal for a brief time right after she woke up.
We considered that it could be a UTI as when you get older, it can cause cognitive issues, hospital originally agreed and started fishing for sepsis of the brain, which made sense and didn’t seem overly scary as bacterial stuff can be treated.
But then I got word that they found a mass in her kidney leading to her uterus and that it’s cancer. Of course, or at least I’m told by friends, they can’t be sure without a biopsy, but from what I know, it wouldn’t be the first time she’s had a cancer scare in her life.
Now, this may sound selfish, well or maybe not.. as our fears and worries are sometimes. Well, no, it’s empathy. I feel for her. I’m putting myself in her shoes and I’m scared. I’m scared I’m going to loose my mom. I’m scared about the same happening to me. And I’m scared for her because I know that all of this for her, as much as she can understand what is going on right now is her worst fears. Hospitals, doctors, and she’s going to need a lot of it from here on out I think.
I’m exhausted. I’m going to numb out and watch YouTube now until I sleep.
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