The past week has been an absolute rollercoaster. My mom just got out of the hospital, and it’s like she brought a piece of chaos home with her. She’s been awake for days on end, talking non-stop, posting bizarre stuff on social media, and calling everyone at all hours. It’s been a nightmare to manage.

I’ve been trying to help, but it’s like trying to reason with a tornado. Yesterday, I spent hours trying to convince her to take her antibiotics. She’s on a strict regimen, but she’s acting like I’m trying to slip her poison. At this rate, I’m worried she’ll end up back in the hospital with an infection. She’s just not taking her meds and lied to get out of the hospital as she spit them out. I’m pissed her husband enabled her, she needed to stay in the hospital if such was the case and he knew she didn’t take them.

Last night, everything came to a head. After a long day at work and playing caretaker, I got pulled into a “family discussion” just as I was slipping off to sleep, at 10pm, and Kasey was winding down. Mom complained we weren’t doing enough, my sister got cussed at when she cleaned up mom’s shit earlier that day from her and the armchair and spent the whole day with her. I could’ve handled it from mom, but then her husband lost it, yelling and cussing us out, which I won’t tolerate.

It’s also not practical for me to work a full-time job and be expected to be available 24/7 to the whims of my mother’s psychosis. We just arrived Sunday but by Monday I was already absolutely exhausted, emotionally and otherwise. I was up later than I liked due to helping her with meds, then had early morning Monday meetings, with several others following.

The “family discussion” was unhinged and didn’t make much sense, with mom being insane and the yelling. The gist of it is that mom feels like no one is helping her. She’s not sleeping and hasn’t for a week, is in a constant crisis, insane, anxious, and doesn’t make much sense.

There is no definition or ability of helping that involves someone reaching inside of her and taking away the discomfort, which is the inherit expectation. Taking care of physical health needs is important, and necessary. Enabling the high energy insanity and being present for the exhausting mental babble is not.

What was helpful, and one of the quietest states I’ve seen her in since this started (and what I mean but not enabling her) was laying on the couch reading, and repeating gently, but firmly is that I’m tired and just reading. Behavioral patterning in a way (monkey see, monkey do). What isn’t helpful is those around her squawking back and reflecting the undesired behavior, which is hard not to do.

But anyway, Kasey got cussed and yelled at and she’s not involved with my mother or the situation in the slightest, yet, has been helpful, which was the last straw. Screaming and cussing, we can help or get the fuck out, lol. My partner and I were out of there in a flash. We’re not about to sit there and take that kind of treatment, family crisis or not.

I’m exhausted, angry, and completely drained. I understand Mom’s not well, and everyone’s stressed, but enabling the flip out and abusive, insane behavior is a boundary that I have no tolerance for. So, I’ve made the decision to block both Mom and her husband for two weeks. I told them to get professional help – like in-home care or return to the hospital – because the family just can’t do it.

Part of me feels guilty and I’ve been thinking about what if that was me, but I can’t help anyone if I’m falling apart myself.

I’m still unsure if I’m being too harsh. Two weeks of no contact feels extreme, but so does their behavior. I’ve always had low tolerance for toxic situations, but when it’s your own mother, it gets complicated.

The trickiest part is that I can relate to some of her anxiety on a smaller scale. Mine looks different and while I certainly feel frantic sometimes, mine comes out more of crying and feeling scared, not blowing up and snapping at other people – or general psychosis as mother has not been sane since all of this started.

Something happened to her mentally and something is gravely wrong. It’s the hardest part about it and my biggest fear is that she will never come back.

For now, I’m focusing on maintaining my sanity. Getting some sleep, trying to work, and processing this whirlwind of emotions. It’s a wild situation.